I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
