I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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