he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
