Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
