Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
