I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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