You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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