Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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