So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
