I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
