dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
