I think I died a long time ago.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
