There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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