Walk of Shame. In a state park.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize