Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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