Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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