He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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