i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
