he wants to bone in the snuggie
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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