I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
