i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
