We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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