What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
