i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Two words: blizzard sex
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
