Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
