I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
