you would pick up someone in the library
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
