hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
