# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
