I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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