chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
