i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
