I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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