Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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