I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
