I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
