my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
