He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
