So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We don't watch enough power rangers
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
