i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
