Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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