ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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