The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
