please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize