Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
