I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
