Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
