I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
