She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
