Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
