I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
