After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
