i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
