Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
