I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
