Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
