What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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