I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
