my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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