I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
