I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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