Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
