Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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