why didn't you poke me back
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
